


Relationship Doubts

by Kajune



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Abstinence, Chemistry, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Doubt, Touching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:38:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajune/pseuds/Kajune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of randomly updated chapters, all involving Shizuo and Izaya's attempts to prove that what they feel for each other...is real.</p><p>Chapter 4 due date : ???</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Test 1

The two men - no - lovers, stare at each other, eyes not covered by any obstacle able to hide the nervousness which they feel. It's funny how these two always disregard the words and comments of Erika about their relationship, sometimes even resorting to threats that worry the van gang a little too much. It's funny because over time the things she says actually gets to them and makes them want to reconsider the many aspects of their (secretly) romantic relationship.

Izaya was the first to come up and say they needed to do something. Not murder Erika as they once promised, but to re-examine their feelings, test the credibility of it and make sure what they think they have isn't just in their heads. Usually Shizuo would deny his romantic desires as possibly being his own poor judgment on feelings, but also consumed with doubt, Shizuo agreed and this is why they are here now.

Both men are sitting on a bed, their shared bed which is in Shizuo's apartment. Their legs are parted, stretched out and nearly touching the other's waist (nearly for Izaya but slightly past for Shizuo). A vest and a necktie have been discarded by Shizuo while the lame jacket - Shizuo calls it - is all that is gone from Izaya's feminine form.

They have only just gotten here yet the urge to dash off is ever powerful for them, like times when things get too awkward. However, both are willing to endure and as time ticks, their resolve eventually wins against the thoughts of returning to their daily lives and forgetting today's moment.

The first test they intend to take, is Izaya's idea. To Shizuo's surprise but understanding, Izaya wants to test if they have any chemistry towards each other. It should be noted that this romance started when a fight got wild and hands began pulling apart clothes and...well, you know the rest.

To prove that they don't just want each other for sex but actually feel compatible, that their bodies desire each other and can't be replaced by some other individual.

The test is to touch, and touch gently, the areas near their most sensitive organ.

This works best because Shizuo is rarely aroused, hardly turned on by those such as erotic magazine covers. Rather, he feels sorry for the women showing off their bodies to readers which he labels as perverts. Izaya, on the other hand, has little to no sexual urges, failing to satisfy women he tricks beyond sweet words. He's lucky that's all he needs to gain admiration.

So a little teasing in those places should naturally not elicit any reaction, aside from mild disgust.

Shizuo is the first to move, his hand gliding towards Izaya, slowly, carefully, afraid of what response he will get. He doesn't want to believe his first sex partner was born out of sheer lust he never knew he had. Shizuo's hand touches the belt, and Izaya flinches instantly. He waits, then continues, circling around that area with a few gulps and held breaths that he hopes won't upset the other.

He wants to be a part of this, wants to prove wrong the doubts in his mind.

The tips slightly brush against that area, and Izaya flinches some more. Looking up, Shizuo can see red all over the man's face, and a forced smile meant to prove to those doubts that they are right. " _Please lose"_ , Shizuo begs.

Shizuo continues with the circular motion, pretending not to go across that area he can actually see enlarging, becoming bigger...and tighter.

The blond feels some urge to grab it, massage it like he does during most nights they start needing each other. By now, Izaya is trembling, his body becoming a wreck as heat builds up. Shizuo is also gaining color on his cheeks. Then...

"Stop." Izaya voices, signaling his turn.

Shizuo has the faintest impression that Izaya wanted to avoid coming then and there.

Izaya returns the gesture as Shizuo leans back, and he immediately notices how Izaya doesn't go close enough to make him feel the hand's presence. He has to look down to be sure. However, that alone sends blood rushing to that spot and, after a couple of minutes, Shizuo is half way to becoming hard.

Izaya notices this too.

When the raven pulls back, the heavily blushing blond asks, "What does this all say?"

Izaya says nothing for a while, eyes staring between Shizuo's legs before looking down as his own 'tent', and as the heat becomes increasingly unbearable for the blond, Izaya finally answers.

"That we easily turn each other on."

The faint smile on his face tells Shizuo that they are _mutually_ glad that this is the case.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be a story of random updates, but I see a plot coming here. I hope you enjoyed~


	2. Test 2, Part One

Many would wonder if they saw this sight, as to what disaster occurred for a thick wall, painted white and quite in need of renovating, to end up with a hole. Some might even call the police if they were here to see-

_BAM!_

...another large crater, only two hours younger, join the previous.

Truthfully, no disaster besides the horrible act of _abstention_ is what caused two deep holes to appear inside one man's apartment. To make questions gather, the fist that formed both is still stuck in the other, and intends to stay as long as it can. The blond was wrong to think he was ready to part from the first, wrong to think his self control had won the long battle.

He hopes no neighbors are around to berate him.

Right now, on a Wednesday morning, Shizuo is standing inside his bedroom with his left hand embedded in the wall. He'd put both hands in if he didn't have the urge to scratch himself every ten seconds. The reason he finds it necessary to bury his hand there, a place hardly anyone can put a hand (or any limb) in without using some mechanical tool, is that if he doesn't do this, he's going to break an increasingly regretful promise.

Shizuo and his partner are still going at it with testing out their relationship, and although he doesn't know how Izaya is holding up, he is certain - judging by the state of his apartment - that another day will be his limit.

In the other words, he's going to lose his sanity.

Two weeks, Izaya decided, as the period they are to stay apart from one another and contact not, neither by text and especially not by meeting. Even before the words left Izaya's mouth, Shizuo knew he wasn't going to like this. The first test gave him enough chills, and now he has to keep putting up fragile restraints on himself.

It doesn't help that the longer they are apart, the stronger the need to be with Izaya becomes.

This is probably a good thing, for it proves Izaya is not a mere object for unleashing his sexual frustration upon, but someone he deeply and emotionally cares for. He's mind-blowingly tempted to call this whole thing off, but doesn't want to upset Izaya or ruin what they have...whatever it is.

Hopefully, it isn't something about to be proven as phony.

A whole week has passed. Now, only a few more days to go before Shizuo can have Izaya in his arms and kiss and touch and lick him to his heart's desire. Heck, if he passes this test, he can freely live out his late night fantasies, which have gotten stronger since this whole thing began.

He hates to admit, but he's been having to clean the sheets very often because of this.

A never before occurrence, actually. As a teenager, he briefly experienced the normal episode of wet dreams, just like other average boys. He even remembers Kasuka's time. Dare not remind him of that though. Afterwards, Shizuo has rarely dreamt of anything lewd, his mind either becoming consumed by the fear of loneliness, or being black, until he sees the morning sun.

Recently however, his fear of becoming isolated from the world has reduced, and taking its place as something powerful and irresistible, is sexual desire. Not always can he look upon Izaya without suddenly producing funny ideas, and now that he thinks about it, it does sound like his relationship with Izaya is turning him into some kind of pervert.

He doesn't want to believe this is pure lust, an outburst from his years of no romantic relationships that probably differs from most men. Then perhaps one day, it will all fade away and he won't care, nor want Izaya anymore. Everything might simply be forgotten.

Because Shizuo fears this, he is continuously motivated to carry out these tests even if his fingers twitch so bad to the point of pain, over the need to hear Izaya's voice, usually granted by dialing the latter's number on his mere-foot-away cell phone. He's broken a lot of household objects in his quest to heed Izaya's (and likewise his) wish. He's even brought greater damage to his boss' debtors, much to the chagrin of both Tom and Varona.

It doesn't help how he collects money from men and women seeking dates, with a good handful being spouse cheaters.

Shizuo doesn't want to end up like them. He doesn't want this relationship to be weak, fake, to turn out similar to a fling. He wants to prove he loves Izaya, passionately and genuinely. It doesn't matter if his lips bleed from rough biting. It doesn't matter if there exists more decent people to choose from. It doesn't matter if he'll never have kids.

It doesn't matter.

He. Wants. This...

...whole-heartedly...

...to be a **true** , _lasting_...relationship.

When a knock on the door snaps him from his (somewhat) depressing thoughts, Shizuo hesitantly pulls his fist from the crater, while urging his mind not to assume it's Izaya. It takes another knock for Shizuo to pull his eyes away from the yellow cell phone and march past whatever is left of his living room.

If it isn't Izaya, then it's someone upset over the noise he made. He was hoping his neighbors would all be at work, but it seems some prefer staying at home or have odd shifts.

Just a few more days, and this torturous test...will be over.

'Wait for me...Iz.'

 


	3. Test 2, Part Two

Back when he announced test number two, no part of him thought this was going to be difficult. It was to prove something, to prove that he and his boyfriend are genuinely in love. If being almost constantly together does nothing but get them in bed at random hours of the day, then Izaya's brilliant mind thought it good to separate them.

He was smiling pleasantly as he told Shizuo that they must start avoiding one another.

He noticed, even without being told, that Shizuo was horrified with the idea. It isn't a surprise really, since Shizuo is rather well-known for his lack of self-restraint, in contrast to Izaya, who has always seen himself as strong-minded and above temptation.

Unfortunately, nearly two weeks of no contact with the blond has him...regrettably... **not** in a state of pride and patience, but as a curled up form, practically shivering as he lies under the covers of his expensive bed, now too cold for comfort without a certain someone's company.

He's beginning to wish he had chosen a different test.

It's frustrating him to no end. He chose quite a short period too, yet already his body is aching for the warm, loving touches of his partner, the tender kisses and occasional licks that leave him trembling for more. It turns him on just imagining that larger man come up next to him and whisper sweet words into his ear, letting his hot breath ghost over his cheek and put him to sleep, especially after a nice round of rough sex.

He genuinely misses it, all of it.

It's clear as day that by the end of this, he's going to storm into Shizuo's arms and let the man have him completely. There's little doubt in his mind that he's not emotionally attached to Shizuo, which means this relationship is a healthy one and probably, _probably_ , won't be needing a third test.

However it's the side of Izaya that enjoys eradicating loose ends, the side that started this whole questioning about their relationship, that keeps him thinking that this secret union may very well be fake and too fragile to maintain.

Unless he overcomes this habit, by the end of the two weeks (assuming he himself makes it), he's going to doubt everything all over again.

A moan slips out when the image of Shizuo, hovering above him, suddenly enters his mind. The desire to simply open his legs wide for the other man is becoming overwhelming, too much for him to bear under the rare coolness he forgot his apartment always had.

This relationship has changed him, in a large number of ways.

The problem is, does the changes include spontaneous sexual desire to lie with a man he once preferred cutting with his switchblade? It's hard to tell. If he can wait, then there's proof that there's nothing really wrong with what they have now. So long as he can wait, the existence of sweet gestures as opposed to violent ones can be accepted.

He. Has. To. Wait.

Even if he's long proven his primary point, he knows he has to be careful and not mess up this test.

Fingers are dying to dial for Shizuo, to urge him over or at least get the man to say something after so long of not hearing him speak. It's entirely his fault of course, this feeling of torture is the result of his suspicions, which he's very certain was never shared with Shizuo at any point.

It kind of feels like some devilish god is doing this, forcing him to not overlook any potential flaws within their relationship. The consequences are here, in the form of longingness. He's hopefully going to call this off by the end of the second week. There can't seriously be more reason to keep this (dreadful) thing up.

"Urgh...!"

Frustrating indeed.

Even more so, when he can't even keep his sheets clean for a day.

He really misses his Shizu.

 


End file.
